The £700 a month experiment

Sometimes, if not often, it felt like I was not being listened to. For example, in therapy, I described the men That had broken into my home and gang raped me as a little Girl while my mum and dad were at work. When giving their description the therapist said, “you have rules !?” And gave a little laugh as though these were rules as to what rapists would look like as opposed to a description of what they did look like. I guess you lose confidence in the therapy if you feel you are being fundamentally misunderstood or even being treated as though this isn’t a real thing, or a fear rather than something that actually happened, that was done to you. This is the same therapist who asked me, “what is the good thing about being raped?” And I have never yet worked out the answer to that, although 18 years have now passed.

I was gang raped when I was 11. This is the affect of a family that neglect their cHildren and use humiliation as discipline hiding away was so important. Growing up, that no one found out how we live. The neglect. And the shame of living in such a dirty place. And of course, being home alone. So you shouldn't answer the door. As commuters my parents weren't just at work nine to five. It was seven until seven or 9, especially as the chosen to open university degrees. In addition to their work in addition to the commuting. And of course run in the Students Association as well. Or the railway users Association, and all the other things They used to do politically. So, hiding away is habit that I've never even questioned. And I still want to run. If anyone is friendly. And more than that of course being gang raped. As a child, the pain, the humiliation, the shame. Fear. It was so important, no one found out, because of the shame. And because they told me that my daddy would go...